What is an Incel?
Incels are individuals who identify as celibate or involuntarily celibate. A person is classified as an incel when they feel that they cant participate in their ideal form of relationships, usually romantic and/or sexual, despite their strong desire to do so. Its important to note that identification as an incel is not decided by the presence of those ideal relationships in ones life, but by the individuals belief that they lack the ability to experience them. Incels are particularly stigmatised in western societies due to their chosen label and the preconceived mischaracterisation of incels as being unloveable and dangerous.
Underlying Causes of Incel Identity
The Psychological Explanations
The psychological explanations for an incel identity are complicated and varied. Some experts attribute the incel identity to a fear of intimacy, a fear of closeness and the unknown. This fear can sometimes be rooted in a traumatic childhood experience or an unsupportive upbringing. It isnt unheard of for individuals to feel inadequate in comparison to their more successful peers, and so they feel that they can never catch up to them and form meaningful relationships.
Another popular explanation is an individuals unrealistic expectations for romantic partners. Incels also may be fearful of being rejected based on their personal flaws and physical appearance. These fears can sometimes culminate in isolation and become deeply rooted in a persons psychology, where they may feel that they are undeserving of romantic relationships or that they are doomed to live a lonely life due to those feelings.
The Social Explanations
Social explanations for the incel identity state that male-dominated norms have created a false idea of what an ideal man should look like. Male-dominated messages of success and power that are perpetuated in films and television, in pop culture, and even in the corporate world often give a manly ideal which is unachievable for the average person. This creates a competitive social environment where incels often believe that they are unable to meet this glamorised standard of success.
The role of social media also plays a role in the incel identity. Individuals who experience a lack of intimacy in their real lives often find solace in virtual worlds, where certain characteristics are given higher social status. This can contribute to unrealistic expectations for physical attractiveness and can feed into incels feeling unfulfilled in their real lives.
Psychological Help Available for Incels
Individuals who identify as incel are not doomed to a life of loneliness, and can benefit from psychological help. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a common form of therapy that can help incels develop healthier thought patterns, recognise and fight irrational thoughts, and build positive behaviours that improve self-esteem and interactions with others.
Another approach that may help incels is relational psychotherapy, which allows patients to explore the emotional root of their incel identity and to explore and challenge previously held notions of romantic relationships. It also provides incels with the space to safely analyse their interactions with the opposite sex and allows them to self-reflect on their capacity for intimacy.
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) can also be beneficial in helping incels learn to manage their emotions and challenge self-defeating thought patterns which can lead to isolation or an inability to interact with others.
Conclusion
Incels are individuals who feel unable to form meaningful romantic and sexual relationships, and have unfortunately faced a lot of stigma in the Western world. The causes of an incel identity are complex and varied, and can stem from both psychological and social explanations. Fortunately, mental health professionals can provide psychological help to those who feel they need it, such as cognitive behavioural therapy, relational psychotherapy, and dialectical behavioural therapy. With this help, incels can slowly build confidence and self-esteem, and hopefully find solace in meaningful connections with others.
Keywords: Incel, Celibate, Involuntarily Celibate, Fear of Intimacy, Unsupportive Upbringing, Unachievable Standard of Success, Social Media Expectations, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Relational Psychotherapy (RPT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT)
Meta Description: An Incel is somebody who struggles to form relationships, often due to psychological or social explanations. This article explores the underlying causes of an incel identity and the psychological help available to those who need it; such
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